Incidentally, Kiddo, Sweet Dreams
by Adreus
Summary: Because in the end, it's down to what you get and what you don't, and which side outweighs the other.


**Notes: **I suppose that after two years of not confiding this in anyone, it's time I finally reveal what the title for this work is all about. _Mockingjay_ was released the same week as someone special's birthday; by then, I hadn't spoken to him in months, and I was just as melancholy by his absence in my life as I was by the book's ending. This piece is dedicated to him: he, who used the word 'incidentally' at least once a day; he, who called me 'kiddo'; and he, who once upon a time, said 'sweet dreams' to me and I to him, in place of the phrase 'I love you.'

And, incidentally: sweet dreams, to Katniss's dear little children.

* * *

_Incidentally, Kiddo, Sweet Dreams_

* * *

Peeta gets Katniss. There is no surge of satisfaction, no flutter of adolescent happiness. There is need; there is need, and there is heartache.

.

Katniss doesn't get Peeta. She gets all his pieces, ripped apart and tearing, and Katniss isn't a good seamstress. She tries anyway.

.

Peeta gets a home. It's big and empty and small and full, all at the same time, because Peeta, his mind abused and his life twisted, doesn't remember any others. Doesn't remember the one from his childhood, doesn't remember the one from the Games. Or maybe he does, and he's pretending he doesn't because now they're all gone and this is the only one left.

.

Katniss gets ghosts. They follow her around everywhere; the bedroom, the Meadow, the woods. They follow her and they scream and they shout and they cry, and they destroy her, break her down more and more every day. At the doctor's advice she tries to make peace with them, and sometimes it works. But there's one ghost that's more persistent than the rest, and he sleeps next to her every night, wakes next to her every morning.

.

Peeta gets a bakery. It's the only one in District 12.

.

Katniss doesn't get forgiven. Well, okay, maybe she does, but she wouldn't know, because she never asks. She never calls Gale up, never watches when he's on TV, never even says his name. It's too hard. It's like saying his name is the same as killing just one more time.

.

Peeta gets a friend. Annie comes to visit whenever memories too strong flood over, and her son is so handsome that Peeta sometimes worries that someone will come to take him away, just grab him and throw him in an arena to fight for his life without reason.

.

Katniss gets a promise. "Stay with me," she pleads one more time, and his answer, soft, fragile; hard, strong: "Always."

.

Peeta gets no remains. No one finds a single shattered remnant of his father, mother, or brothers; they are gone and they are ash, and when he hears it was quick for them, quick and easy, he's thankful. He's been starting to wonder if death was really worse than life for such simple people. It's too late for him now, of course – he's made his choice, his promise.

.

Katniss gets a fanbase, a secret cult. She tells them she's tired of politics and power games and they only leave when Peeta offers her a bow.

.

Peeta gets a daughter, dancing and bright, after years and years of pleading. She is one of those things that reminds him why they go on, why they don't just die. There are only two other reasons.

.

Katniss gets a son, corpulent, innocent, brought into the world because both his parents know the loneliness of being alone. He is not built like his father, and his hands—unlike his mother's—are sweet and gentle. They name him something strong and shield him more than his sister; there's something about him that reminds Katniss far too much of a rose.

.

Peeta gets a disease without a name. Some days, he wakes up not remembering his daughter; others, he looks at Katniss's eyes, whispers, "not real" and disappears under the blanket, not to surface until he can trust himself to recognize the only person that's always been real. The uncertainty destroys him more than the disease.

.

Katniss gets a holiday. On camera, she makes a gesture that's immature and archaic, but is perhaps the only accurate way to demonstrate exactly what she has to say about it and more.

.

Peeta doesn't get a song. When they are old and tired, he passes away when she's not there. He wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't, and by the time reality grips her, the Mockingjay forgets how to sing.

.

Katniss gets a blessing. An hour after Peeta's death, she climbs into his arms and dies there, without tears. And in her heart, she stays with him – always.


End file.
